Thursday, April 29, 2010


Napoleon's Oraculum (or BOOK OF FATE) promises its reader that it is "a verbatim copy of the London edition... which professes to be a perfect facsimile of the one used by NAPOLEON, and consulted by him on every important occasion. Happy had it been for him, had he abided or been ruled by the answers of this Oracle.... in this enlarged state it is adapted to all conditions of life; and persons of both sexes, whatever their situation or capacity, may with confidence refer to its pages to derive information, and for the purpose of regulating their future conduct according to its ORACULAR COUNSELS."

The rules are hard to master- the system of organization may be slightly confusing. Turning the page, however, we find a beautiful "KEY TO THE ORACULUM" which makes all our efforts at understanding this system worthwhile.

Perhaps the best feature of the Oraculum, however, is the ease with which the arcane and confusing rules for its use end up producing cross-wired fortunes. For example, attempting to answer the question "Shall I ever find a treasure?" I receive the answer "Never drink until the game hath ended." When I ask "Have I any, or many enemies? I learn that in fact "Tyranny will soon be engulfed in the abyss of its own iniquity."

All of this is to say Hello! I'm here! The Oraculum is ready to answer your questions!


  1. Chrisaculum,

    I would like to have a new hobby that resembles a sturdy profession. Which shall it be: baking, carpentry, or statistics (i.e. fantasy baseball)?

  2. "Choose one, which, with little labor, will afford thee a comfortable subsistence."

    Have you considered combining statistics with high-risk internet betting?

  3. Thanks Chris! No, I hadn't thought of that, but I will devote a good think to it now. I will also enjoy a quick ponder on the subject of high-risk internet baking.

  4. Greg, if you do go in that direction, you may want to consider including strangely placed webcams. See the following website for some good ideas: Microwave Cam!